Chapter 8

As the afternoon went on, we ordered lunch and more drinks. The conversation flowed effortlessly, as if fifteen years had vanished. Once in a while, I’d catch one of them staring at me with a curiosity they couldn’t hide. We talked about them some more.

“Marriage is profound,” Rebekah said, finishing her salad. “I had no idea because my parents made it look easy. Mom recently told me that the key is this: since we don’t fuck in front of the kids, we shouldn’t fight in front of them either. Is that crazy? She said that quote should be printed, framed, and hung in every married couple’s bedroom. Right next to the Ketubah.”

“That’s the secret, is it?” Sarah asked.

“Charming,” Julia said, sipping her iced tea. “That’s something you want the kids quoting in kindergarten.”

“Fighting effectively in front of kids is a good way to teach them how to resolve conflict,” I said.

“Without firearms,” Julia added, then swallowed hard.

“Exactly,” I replied with a chuckle and ordered another white wine.

“As hard as marriage is, I wouldn’t trade it for the world,” Rebekah said, turning to me. “How do you do it, Liv? If I were single, I’d be lost.”

“Don’t pick on me. I might get married someday. Sarah is eternally single.”

“Hey!” Sarah shouted, pretending to be offended.

“She has a point,” Rebekah said. “Don’t you feel like you’re missing out, Sarah?”

“Rebekah,” Julia said, picking at the chips and salsa on the table, “you ask her that every time we get together.”

“I’m married,” Sarah replied, leaning back and smiling. “I’m married to God.”

“And it’s the perfect marriage,” Julia added. “He doesn’t talk back.”

“He talks back,” Sarah said. “You just have to listen.”

Julia rolled her eyes.

“You’re still rolling your eyes the same way you did when we were kids,” I told Julia.

Sarah suddenly got serious. “Sometimes I look at families and get curious about that kind of life. It would be nice to have a constant companion, a partner to be there through thick and thin. Other times I’m grateful I don’t have to share my bed with anyone. I’ve chosen my path and I’m content with it. I find peace in caring for battered women and enjoy teaching the children to read. If I had gotten married, I’d only have a couple of children. This way, I get to have dozens of kids. I feel very fortunate to have had this calling.”

“This Hallmark moment brought to you by . . ., ” Julia said.

“Sarah, you’ve always been too pure to be pink,” Rebekah said.

The waiter came and cleared the plates while Julia leaned forward. “I maintain that Sarah’s nauseating peace and happiness routine is possible because she doesn’t have to deal with a man.”
“Well, whatever it is, I wish I could bottle it,” I said. “It gives me hope.”

“And you’d make a fortune,” Rebekah said.

“I don’t want to be peaceful,” Julia said. “We can rest in peace when we’re dead. I want life to be a rollercoaster.”

“Amen,” Rebekah replied.

“Do you go to church?” I asked Julia.

“I go to the most amazing synagogue,” Rebekah said.

“No,” Julia replied. “I don’t have time.”

“My Rabbi is brilliant,” Rebekah continued as though someone were listening.

“Why?” I asked Julia.

“I work and then I work and when I’m bored, I work some more,” she said.

“Life of the high-powered attorney,” Rebekah said. “I thought when you and Barry opened your own practice you’d have more time to start a family or travel.”

“Please,” Julia replied. “Don’t remind me of my silly dreams before this nightmare began. If you think a normal marriage is tough, try living and working with your mate. You end up bringing the office home almost every day.”

“Is it that bad?” Sarah asked.

“Sometimes,” Julia said.

Julia’s eyes suddenly looked sad and heavy. I thought she might cry; then she lifted her head and seemed to quickly talk herself out of it. “Who wants to spend time moaning about it? Why did you ask about church?”

“I had a fleeting thought about some connection between happiness and religion,” I said. “I don’t mean to imply that you and I are somehow lost without a spiritual connection. There just seems to be evidence that it’s a positive in people’s lives.”

“Of course it is,” Sarah replied.

“I don’t believe in manmade religions,” Julia said. “They are filled with hypocrites who can’t sort things out for themselves. To avoid desperation, they join a movement with rules and regulations so they have some order to their lives.”

“The overall reason for joining a church or synagogue is to connect with people who share the same values and belief systems,” Rebekah said. “There are hypocrites at the local country club and I bet your snooty ass is there all the time.”

“That’s different,” Julia said. “Our country club has cute waiters.”

“Her point is,” Sarah said, “that you can find hypocrites anywhere.”

“Look,” Julia continued with her train of thought, “I wouldn’t even know what church to join. There are a million to choose from.”

“And what church would have me?” I asked.

“I don’t know of any reputable church that would turn down a wayward soul looking to make a comeback,” Sarah replied. “I mean, if we turned down the lost, the broken, even the hypocrite, where would we be? If church isn’t the way to help people turn their lives around, what is?”
“I don’t think of myself as broken,” I said quickly.

“Me neither,” Julia added.

“Well, we’ve talked about religion,” Rebekah said with a sigh. “Who wants to bring up politics?”
We ordered another round. The day quickly turned to evening and we decided to take a walk on the beach. I got Bozack and joined them. We were a little tipsy, walking along the shore and trying not to fall into each other. Rebekah stopped and looked at the water.

“Let’s go skinny dipping!” she squealed.

I looked around. The beach was dark and deserted.

“Don’t sharks come in closer when it’s nighttime?” I asked.

“That’s a myth,” Julia said, taking off her clothes.

“I’ll pass,” I said, sitting down on the sand.

“You’re afraid of sharks?” Rebekah asked.

“Gotta be afraid of something, I guess,” I replied.

“Not you!” Julia said.

“I’ll keep you company,” Sarah said, sitting down next to me.

“You’re not the kind of nun who likes to get naked with women?” I asked.

“Come on, Jules,” Rebekah shouted, running toward the water, “Let’s show these stiffs how to have fun!”

“Two kids and not an ounce of fat on that woman,” I noticed out loud as the moonlight peeked out from behind a cloud and showed Rebekah frolicking in the water.

Rebekah and Julia went off swimming as Sarah and I stretched out on the beach, our feet touching the water as the tide came in.

“It’s good to be here,” I said, petting Bozack beside me. “You all are the closest thing I have to family.”

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“I’m all right.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“You never do. Come on, don’t you think a girl involved in a secret affair, who blows away bad guys for a living and lives alone with her dog, can be happy?”

Sarah made one of her faces that betrayed an inner disgust. I ignored it.

“Come work with me,” she said.

“Sarah, you don’t just quit my kind of job. I would bring baggage and unwanted attention to your little center. You don’t need that and those abused women you love so much don’t need it either. Besides, technically, since I funded some of that center, I’m already working with you.”

“What are you guys talking about?” Julia shouted from the water. “Is Sarah hearing your confession?”

“How much do they know?” I asked.

“They know you do something on the other side of the law. Julia’s an attorney, Liv. She knows you were investigated for that killing in 1988. She knows there were no witnesses so charges were dropped and after that, you disappeared from sight. She told us you’ve been suspected of several other killings throughout the years, but evidence never surfaced. Supposedly, your FBI file is inches thick. They both ask about you all the time, but I don’t say much. Rebekah thinks you work for the CIA.”

“No kidding?”

“Like I said, I don’t say much.”

“Don’t worry. You don’t know much. It’s safer for you that way.”

“You can’t keep running and outwitting the police forever. I’m sure you’d rather quit than get caught. One day soon you will decide that your way of life is wrong and too destructive. When that time comes, you will need someone to help direct you to a better way of living. That’s my most important mission, I’m sure of it.”

“I’m your ticket to heaven, is that it? You afraid you ain’t gettin’ in otherwise?”

“Gotta be afraid of something, I guess.”