Chapter 12

Sarah looked disgusted, Julia stunned, and Rebekah seemed almost proud. I took a sip of beer and waited.

“It didn’t sound hard to do,” Julia said, more to herself than to me. “No internal conflict? No guilty feelings afterward?”

“I felt bad for Shana and wanted to hurt Frank,” I said. “Why feel guilty?”

“Why not?” Sarah asked.

“When Shana told me about being raped, I lost what little respect I had for that man’s life. It was
surprisingly easy.”

“I don’t want to know this.” Julia shook her head.

“Whatever happened to Shana?” Rebekah asked.

“I have no idea.” I had often wondered about Shana. “I could have checked on her over the years, but I never did; maybe I was afraid of what I’d find.”

“You don’t think she broke the cycle?” Julia wondered.

“The odds aren’t good,” I looked down and shrugged.

Silence filled the room.

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard anything so disturbing,” Sarah said. “Even from you, Liv. That’s pretty terrible.”

“I’ve heard clients tell some whopper stories.” Julia cringed. “Nailing a penis to a wall takes the cake. I need another beer.”

“It was a long time ago.” I looked down, refusing to regret a thing.

“It sounds like Frank got what he deserved,” Rebekah said. “Just like your father. Did you think about your dad when you did it?”

“I always think about Sally and Bernard,” I replied.

“Sally got what she deserved as well.” Rebekah winked and squeezed my hand.

“There’s the rule of law in our society.” Julia took several gulps of beer. “We can’t take the law into our own hands.”

“The law doesn’t protect women like Shana,” I reminded her. “So I have to.”

“Have to?” Julia asked. “We’re talking present tense, are we?”

“What about God’s law, Liv?” Sarah asked. “‘Thou shalt not kill’?”

“Excuse me, Sister,” Rebekah said, “the commandment is ‘Thou shalt not murder’.”
We all stared at Rebekah.

“The Ten Commandments are from the Torah,” Rebekah continued. “That’s my territory. Properly translated, it’s ‘murder’ that’s forbidden. And while I believe murder is a sin, I think God understands that sometimes killing is necessary and in rare cases, required. Liv killed that guy, but she didn’t murder him. There’s a difference.”

“At any rate,” I tried to explain, “I aided Shana in self-defense.”

“I agree,” Rebekah said. “Justifiable killing.”

“Torturing a man and burning him alive is not justified.” Julia finished her beer.

“It was unprofessional,” I admitted. “I was young.”

“Unprofessional?” Sarah rose her voice. “How about inhuman?”

“Those actions don’t separate you from the bad guys, Liv,” Julia said.

“My intent does.” They were not going to get me to doubt my actions.

“What horror,” Sarah whispered.

Rebekah looked at Sarah. “Don’t be sanctimonious.”

“You’re telling a nun not to be sanctimonious,” Julia said.

“Isn’t the world a better place without men like Frank Williams and Bernard Foster?” Rebekah
asked. “If the law were any good at protecting battered women and children then Liv wouldn’t be needed! Men have been getting away with this shit for far too long. More women should fight back. Maybe then, centers like yours wouldn’t be so crowded, Sarah. Think about it.”

“Listen,” Julia began.

“No, you listen.” Rebekah was on a roll. “Liv should travel to places like Afghanistan and wipe out some of the men who are abusing and torturing women over there.”

Been there and done that.

“Liv, who do you think you are?” Sarah’s voice grew soft once more. “God is the only judge and

Frank’s life wasn’t yours to take. You must see that.”

I didn’t know what to say. “In my own way, I’m trying to make the world a better place.”

“I know you are,” Julia said. “But not this way, Olivia. Not this way.”

I swallowed hard and looked away.

“God’s mercy extends to you,” Sarah said.

“What?” I asked.

“You’re not lost,” she said.

“I know.” I eyes darted from friend to friend.

“You’re not lost,” Sarah repeated.

I almost told Sarah to shut up, but something in her eyes made me stop and pause. She wanted me to break. “Look, I was young and stupid. Maybe I made some mistakes.”

“Maybe?” Julia asked.

“Enough.” Rebekah tapped Julia on her knee. “Shut up for a second.”

I looked out the window, petting Bozack’s head and staring at the ocean. They’d get no more rationalizations from me. I was done.

“You know where I stand on this issue,” Sarah said. “We’ve been over it a million times and we’ll never change each other’s mind. Or I should say that you won’t. I’m still hoping to change yours. Until then, I’d just prefer it if you didn’t tell any more stories like the one about Frank Williams. It would make it a whole lot easier to be your friend if I don’t have all the details.”

“I don’t want a speech like the one Shana was given.” Rebekah tried to lighten the mood with laughter. “Should we take our solemn vow again?”

“Only you have to take the vow,” Julia said. “Her spiritual advisor and attorney are protected by
confidentiality laws. Liv’s not stupid.”

“Are you offering to defend me if I ever need it?” I asked.

Julia nodded.

“Well, then, I take the solemn vow,” Rebekah said.

I smiled at her. “I told you already, I trust you.”

“Then answer me this one last question. How could it have looked like a robbery gone bad with a
man’s penis nailed to a pole? That sounds personal to me. What if he hadn’t burned and they found him without his schlong?”

“Have you been watching Law & Order again?” Julia asked.

“It was personal,” I admitted. “As luck would have it, he did burn and some deluded serial killer
confessed to the whole thing. The case was solved.”

“I remember hearing about that,” Julia said.

“I didn’t mind a criminal taking the rap for me.” I felt sad all of a sudden. “However, I made sure nothing like that ever happened again.”

My words hung in the air. I was ready for a new subject. What did I hope to gain by telling real
people about a torture session I facilitated? What had I been thinking?

“Let’s go out where there’s drinking and dancing.” Julia looked emotionally drained. “We need to lighten the mood a bit.”

“How about we change into some decent clothes and meet in the lobby in about ten minutes or so?” Rebekah suggested.

“I’m in,” I answered as we all got up to go.