Chapter 16

“You’re going to say yes, aren’t you?” Sarah asked.

“I don’t know,” I replied. “I haven’t had much time to get used to the idea.”

Sarah and I met for an early breakfast before Rebekah and Julia woke up. I told Sarah the news before she took her first sip of coffee. Marriage was frightening. Did I really want to trade in my life for a brand new adventure where playdates and poopy diapers were considered challenges?

“What’s the dilemma?” Sarah asked.

“Do you want this in volumes or chapters?” I asked. “The whole thing is a dilemma. Here I was, enjoying my life, when Max comes along and wants to make an honest woman of me. Have you ever heard of something so ridiculous? Don’t answer that. I’m not in the mood for lectures or optimism right now. The idea of exchanging freedom and independence for routine sex and stretch marks is beyond laughable.”

“Don’t believe everything you hear.” Sarah laughed. “Marriage and family mean more than that.”

“Sure.” I shuddered. “Let’s not forget Oprah, church on Sundays, and minivans. I seriously think I might throw up.”

“Get over yourself.” Sarah sipped her coffee and looked out over the beach. “Do you think you’re the first woman to ask these kinds of questions?”

“To a certain extent.”

“Hardly. They’re all a variation of the same theme. Women today have more choices and for the most part, that’s pretty great. It just involves some forethought when deciding which path to take because either way you have to sacrifice something to get what you want.”

“What are you saying? Women can’t have it all?”

“Of course they can’t. Neither can men. That’s a myth being sold to you by Johnson & Johnson. What angers me is when people get married, pop out a few kids and disappear to the office for fifteen years. They wind up divorced with drug-addicted kids and beg the world not to hold them responsible. You are facing a huge decision, Olivia, and it’s worth making properly.”

I followed Sarah’s gaze and listened. She was on a roll.

“You’re really no different than the corporate exec who becomes a stay-at-home mom,” she continued. “Or the surgeon who has to decide whether to continue working eighty hours a week or cut back to be with the man she loves. What about the young woman who wants to devote her life to God, except that means forgoing a family and kids of her own? We all have to make tough choices, Liv.”

“I never thought it was a bad move to pick a career you enjoy and stick with it.”

“Depends on the career.” Sarah looked at me. “Under normal circumstances that’s not a bad choice. What I don’t understand is this: you and Max love each other. So why not give it a go?’

“I’m waiting for a sign that’s too monumental to ignore.”

“Sometimes signs are subtle.”

“I’m not wife material, Sarah” I met her eyes. “At least give me points for self-awareness. A month ago, if someone asked me to contemplate a change this drastic, I’d have said they were nuts. Now there’s a part of me that dares to imagine the possibilities.”

“Why not listen to that part of you for a while? What else does she say?”

“I don’t know,” I replied. “I gagged the bitch an hour ago.”

There was a pause while Sarah frowned. “Sometimes you are your own worst enemy.”

“That’s the best you’ve got?” I laughed.

“You don’t want a lecture.”

“What did you all do last night?” I asked, changing the subject.

“We came back here and went to sleep,” she replied. “What do you expect from two married women and a nun?”

“You’re describing the rest of my summer,” I said. “I’m going to die of boredom.”

“Why not come back to Plant City with me?”

I wrinkled my nose. “I was thinking Las Vegas.”

“That’s a cop-out.”

“Speaking of Julia.” I changed the subject again. “What’s going on with her marriage?”

“I have no idea,” Sarah said. “It’s not good. You can tell that just by looking at her, but she won’t give us details.”

“Rebekah can’t get it out of her?”

“She’s tried. Rebekah knows nothing.”

“If the mouth of the south knew the mysteries behind Julia’s sad smile, we wouldn’t be sitting here wondering, that’s for sure.”

“I’m so upset.” Rebekah joined us.

“Speak of the devil.” Sarah looked up and smiled.

“You look like you just stepped out of a Nordstrom’s catalog.” I exclaimed. “How do you do that so early in the morning?”

Rebekah wore brown leather pants with a white shirt opened to show a brown bra underneath.
Pearls looped around her neck twice and matched her earrings perfectly. She looked spectacular while Sarah and I hadn’t even showered yet.

“Don’t try to get on my good side.” Rebekah sat down at our table.

“I’m serious,” I said. “How do you stay in such great shape after two kids?”

“Self-control.” She sipped my orange juice. “I only eat vegetables and fruit. I fight the urge to sit down as often as possible and practically live on the treadmill.”

“Self-depravation is overrated.” Sarah shook her head. “You sound like a trophy wife.”

“What do you expect?” Rebekah asked. “I have an image to maintain. Although I do feel my brain power slipping away.”

“Your diet excludes all meat?” I asked. “What about fish?”

“No dead animals of any kind,” she replied.

“They’re called books-on-tape,” Sarah suggested. “Look into them. You can still exercise and manage a grown-up conversation with Michael every night.”

“Michael’s not complaining.” Rebekah shifted in her chair. “Remind me again why I should listen to your advice on how to keep a man?”

“You don’t eat animals, but you’ll wear them?” I asked.

“Leather and fur are biodegradable.” Rebekah acted as if I should know better. “Synthetic fabrics are bad for the environment.”

I kept quiet after that. Rebekah knew more than God.

“I stand corrected,” Sarah said to Rebekah. “There is a mind in there.”

“Leave me alone.” Rebekah finished my orange juice.

“I do miss you.” Sarah smiled.

“You’re changing the subject,” Rebekah said. “This was supposed to be girls-only weekend and Liv here scores a man. However, I’ve decided to forgive you because Max is adorable and you’re running out of time.”

“Mighty kind of you,” I said.

“So talk to me,” she demanded in that nosy way I loved.

“What do you want to know?”

“Everything,” Rebekah and Sarah said at the same time.

“Max and I enjoy each other’s company.”

“I thought you said you had no love interest,” Rebekah said. “What’s the story? Was he your first love?”

“Something like that.”

“And you’re still going at it?” Rebekah asked.

“Yes.” I sighed. “He’s my first and only.”

Sarah raised her eyebrows at me.

“You’re kidding!” Rebekah said.

“I am many things. Easy to get in bed is not one of them.”

“I shouldn’t be surprised,” Sarah said. “You’re not easy, period.”

“What’s wrong with you?” Rebekah asked. “You don’t strike me as frigid.”

“Nothing’s wrong with me.” I felt somewhat defensive. “And I’m not frigid, just particular.”

Rebekah stared at me with her mouth open. “You’re a strong and dynamic woman who should be well-versed in the powers of seduction. Instead, you’re practically chaste. What a shame.”

“There is no difference between a successful woman fucking every man she meets and a barfly bringing local drunks back to the trailer. The idea that one is empowered while the other’s victimized is outdated.”

“You have morals after all?” Sarah asked.

“Here we go,” Rebekah said.

“Morals have to do with good and evil.” I shook my head. “Sex is sex. You and your virgin hang-ups can elevate it to something more if you wish, but not getting laid before Max had nothing to do with superior values. I just wasn’t interested.”

“Why not?” Rebekah asked.

“AIDS, venereal diseases, and unwanted pregnancies seemed a high price to pay for some humpin’ and bumpin’.”

“You know,” Rebekah shot death glances at me and Sarah. “You two suck the fun out of everything.”

I laughed. “I reject the entire notion of casual sex. Men and women who jump from bed to bed and say they’re leaving nothing behind are liars. They’re suspect. More than likely, the men are screwing for revenge on their mothers and the women are trying to find daddy’s love. Sluts are sad.”

“Just a bit of generalizing,” Sarah mumbled.

“Olivia generalizes to make herself feel better.” Rebekah leaned back and faced herself toward the morning sun. “You’re like men who hunt to overcompensate for a tiny penis.”

“I carry a gun,” I asked, “because my vagina is small?”

“Something like that.” Rebekah closed her eyes. “I haven’t figured it all out yet.”

“Please let us know when you do.” Sarah stretched out as well. “In your line of work, it’s not like you had access to decent men anyway.”

“Tell me all about the night you finally gave in and stopped thinking so much,” Rebekah said. “I
love new stories. Especially about sex.”

“My first time?” I asked.

She looked at me over her sunglasses. “I’ll tell mine if you tell yours.”